The Betatester from Hell

I had the opportunity to test a simple game for my friend who is learning Inform 7.
However, my anonymous friend believes himself quite the comedian when testing my games.
Payback is a beach.

WARNING: Contains vulgarity, language, and nudity.

“it’s one room for now but could you try getting out of the room? i hope it’s straightforward and such.”
[rant=Transcript][code]Start of a transcript of

Simple Dungeon
An Interactive Fiction by Marley VanDiefenhosen
Release 1 / Serial number 161003 / Inform 7 build 6L38 (I6/v6.33 lib 6/12N) SD
Identification number: //EC7A2B23-33D1-4BF1-864A-2D7C8B3A5A87//
Interpreter version 0.5.2 / VM 3.1.2 / Library serial number 080126
Standard Rules version 3/120430 by Graham Nelson

i
You are carrying nothing.

x me
As good-looking as ever.

*huh.
That’s not a verb I recognise.

jump
You jump on the spot.

sing
That’s not a verb I recognise.

pray
That’s not a verb I recognise.

kill me
Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

attack me
Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

stab me
That’s not a verb I recognise.

suicide myself
That’s not a verb I recognise.

jump in the air and frolic
I only understood you as far as wanting to jump.

take off clothes
You can’t see any such thing.

mazurka dance
That’s not a verb I recognise.

lambada
That’s not a verb I recognise.

do the electric slide
That’s not a verb I recognise.

smack myself
That’s not a verb I recognise.

this gaem suckz
That’s not a verb I recognise.

l
Your bedroom
The chair is next to the window, nowhere near the desk.

On the desk are a pencil and a note.

You can also see a bedroom door, a bed (on which is a pillow) and a painting here.

move chair
It is fixed in place.

take chair
That’s fixed in place.

#minus
That’s not a verb I recognise.

cut pillow
Cutting it up would achieve little.

take feather
You can’t see any such thing.

s
(first opening the bedroom door)
It seems to be locked.

take feathers
You can’t see any such thing.

search pillow
You find nothing of interest.

attack pillow
Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

tear pillow
That’s not a verb I recognise.

l
Your bedroom
The chair is next to the window, nowhere near the desk.

On the desk are a pencil and a note.

You can also see a bedroom door, a bed (on which is a pillow) and a painting here.

take pencil
Taken.

x it
The point has broken off. It needs to be sharpened if it’s to do any more writing.

stab pillow with pencil
That’s not a verb I recognise.

slash pillow with pencil
That’s not a verb I recognise.

cut pillow with pencil
I only understood you as far as wanting to cut the pillow.

shank pillow with pencil
That’s not a verb I recognise.

search pillow with pencil
I only understood you as far as wanting to search the pillow.

probe pillow with pencil
That’s not a verb I recognise.

penetrate pillow with pencil
That’s not a verb I recognise.

rape pillow with pencil
That’s not a verb I recognise.

hmgn.
That’s not a verb I recognise.

i
You are carrying:
a pencil

break pencil
Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

write with pencil
That’s not a verb I recognise.

write on wall
That’s not a verb I recognise.

write my name
That’s not a verb I recognise.

sign wall
That’s not a verb I recognise.

autograph wall
That’s not a verb I recognise.

x wall
You can’t see any such thing.

I’M FREE!
That’s not a verb I recognise.

GO THROUGH NONEXISTENT WALL
You can’t see any such thing.

l
Your bedroom
The chair is next to the window, nowhere near the desk.

On the desk is a note.

You can also see a bedroom door, a bed (on which is a pillow) and a painting here.

stand on chair
You get onto the chair.

jump
You jump on the spot.

break chair
Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

stomp chair
That’s not a verb I recognise.

dance on chair
That’s not a verb I recognise.

do the hustle on chair
That’s not a verb I recognise.

l
Your bedroom (on the chair)
On the desk is a note.

You can also see a bedroom door, a bed (on which is a pillow) and a painting here.

attack door
Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

knock on door
That’s not a verb I recognise.

hit door
Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

smash door
Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

break through door
You can’t see any such thing.

break through door with pencil
You can’t see any such thing.

break through door with fire axe
You can’t see any such thing.

HEEEEEERE’S JOHNNY! #SHINING
That’s not a verb I recognise.

masturbate
That’s not a verb I recognise.

fuck pillow
That’s not a verb I recognise.

dance with pillow
That’s not a verb I recognise.

court pillow
That’s not a verb I recognise.

date pillow
That’s not a verb I recognise.

go all the way with pillow
You can’t see any such thing.

buy gift for pillow
You can’t see any such thing.

solicit pillow
That’s not a verb I recognise.

sit on pillow
That’s not something you can sit down on.

#bug
That’s not a verb I recognise.

of course I can sit on a pillow
That’s not a verb I recognise.

exit room
I only understood you as far as wanting to exit.

exit
You get off the chair.

Your bedroom
The chair is next to the window, nowhere near the desk.

On the desk is a note.

You can also see a bedroom door, a bed (on which is a pillow) and a painting here.

exit
But you aren’t in anything at the moment.

I’M IN THE ROOM AREN’T I #BUG
That’s not a verb I recognise.

EAT NOTE
That’s plainly inedible.

tear note
That’s not a verb I recognise.

rip note
That’s not a verb I recognise.

attack note
Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

make love to note
That’s not a verb I recognise.

x note
There’s a childish drawing of a dog almost carved into the paper surrounded by crudely drawn hearts.

pet dog
That’s not a verb I recognise.

#bug
That’s not a verb I recognise.

x dog
You can’t see any such thing.

search dog
You can’t see any such thing.

skritch dog ears
That’s not a verb I recognise.

dammit #bug bug bug
That’s not a verb I recognise.

l
Your bedroom
The chair is next to the window, nowhere near the desk.

On the desk is a note.

You can also see a bedroom door, a bed (on which is a pillow) and a painting here.

x painting
It’s a painting of a cute dog.

search painting
A rusty key falls out from behind the painting. You pick it up and put it in your pocket.

fuck key
That’s not a verb I recognise.

break door with key
I only understood you as far as wanting to break the bedroom door.

attack door with key
I only understood you as far as wanting to attack the bedroom door.

attack door with dog
I only understood you as far as wanting to attack the bedroom door.

dog, attack door
You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

fido, attack door
You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

rover, attack door
You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

fluffy, attack door…
You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

mrrgh
That’s not a verb I recognise.

#Bug
That’s not a verb I recognise.

headbutt door
That’s not a verb I recognise.

open door
It seems to be locked.

l
Your bedroom
The chair is next to the window, nowhere near the desk.

On the desk is a note.

You can also see a bedroom door, a bed (on which is a pillow) and a painting here.

x bed
On the bed is a pillow.

get in bed
You get onto the bed.

On the bed you can see a pillow.

sleep
You aren’t feeling especially drowsy.

get on bed
But you’re already on the bed.

sleep
You aren’t feeling especially drowsy.

YES I AM AFTER ALL THIS WORK
I only understood you as far as wanting to yes.

#BUG
That’s not a verb I recognise.

NAP
You aren’t feeling especially drowsy.

DOZE
That’s not a verb I recognise.

SLUMBEWR
That’s not a verb I recognise.

SLUMBER
That’s not a verb I recognise.

DREAM
That’s not a verb I recognise.

GET FREAKY
You can’t see any such thing.

GET UP
You get off the bed.

Your bedroom
The chair is next to the window, nowhere near the desk.

On the desk is a note.

You can also see a bedroom door, a bed (on which is a pillow) and a painting here.

TAKE NOT
You can’t see any such thing.

TAKE NOTE
Taken.

PAINTING
That’s not a verb I recognise.

TAKE PAINTING
That’s fixed in place.

DETACH PAINTING
That’s not a verb I recognise.

DETACH PAINTING FROM WALL
That’s not a verb I recognise.

ENTER PAINTING
That’s not something you can enter.

#AWWWW
That’s not a verb I recognise.

KILL PAINTING
Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

CRITIQUE PAINTING
That’s not a verb I recognise.

OPEN DOOR
It seems to be locked.

RATTLE KNOB
That’s not a verb I recognise.

KNOCK ON DOOR
That’s not a verb I recognise.

YELL FOR HELP FROM SOMEONE ELSE IN THIS HOUSE
That’s not a verb I recognise.

OPEN DOOR
It seems to be locked.

UNLOCK DOOR
What do you want to unlock the bedroom door with?

DOG
You can’t see any such thing.

UNLOCK DOOR
What do you want to unlock the bedroom door with?

PAINTING
(first taking the painting)
That’s fixed in place.

UNLOCK DOOR
What do you want to unlock the bedroom door with?

DESK
(first taking the desk)
That’s hardly portable.

HOW DID I GET IT IN HERE THEN, HUH? #BUG
You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

DETACH DESK
That’s not a verb I recognise.

THROW DESK
The desk is already here.

USE FIRE AXE ON DESK
That’s not a verb I recognise.

GET MEDIEVAL ON DESK WITH HEAVY OBJECT
You can’t see any such thing.

UNLOCK DOOR
What do you want to unlock the bedroom door with?

NOTE
That doesn’t seem to fit the lock.

UNLOCK DOOR
What do you want to unlock the bedroom door with?

MY WANT
You can’t see any such thing.

UNLOCK DOOR
What do you want to unlock the bedroom door with?

MY BABYMAKER
You can’t see any such thing.

UNLOCK DOOR
What do you want to unlock the bedroom door with?

PENIS
You can’t see any such thing.

WHAT???
That’s not a verb I recognise.

TAKE OFF PANTS
You can’t see any such thing.

X PENIS
You can’t see any such thing.

HOW CAN I NOT SEE MY GENITALS IF I DON’T HAVE PANTS??
That’s not a verb I recognise.

EXIT
But you aren’t in anything at the moment.

EXIT THROUGH DOOR
I only understood you as far as wanting to exit.

GO THROUGH DOOR
(first opening the bedroom door)
It seems to be locked.

TRAVERSE DOOR
That’s not a verb I recognise.

CRACK DOOR
Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

TURN KNOB
You can’t see any such thing.

THEN HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OUT? #BUG
That’s not a verb I recognise.

LOOK THROUGH KEYHOLE
You can’t see any such thing.

THEN HOW DOES THIS KEY WORK? #BUG
That’s not a verb I recognise.

PUT KEY IN NONEXISTENT KEYHOLE
You can’t see any such thing.

PUT KEY IN DOOR
That can’t contain things.

UGH
That’s not a verb I recognise.

WAVE KEY
You wave the rusty key.

YESS!!!
That’s not a verb I recognise.

OPEN DOOR
It seems to be locked.

PLUNGE KEY IN KEYHOLE
That’s not a verb I recognise.

PLUNGE KEY IN KEYHOLE EROTICALLY
That’s not a verb I recognise.

PENETRATE KEYHOLE WHILE WHISPERING SOOTHINGLY TO DOOR HOW MUCH I LOVE IT.
That’s not a verb I recognise.

UNLOCK DOOR
What do you want to unlock the bedroom door with?

THE KEY
You unlock the bedroom door.

OPEN DOOR WITH NONEXISTENT KNOB AND OR HANDLE
You can’t see any such thing.

OPEN DOOR
You open the bedroom door.

EXIT
But you aren’t in anything at the moment.

ggaahahahahaha
That’s not a verb I recognise.

ragequit
That’s not a verb I recognise.

quit
Are you sure you want to quit? y[/code][/rant]

Ah … not so anonymous if his name is in the opening credits, is it?

I think the transcript is hilarious. When I test a game, I do the same thing — try to break it. Why would anyone testing a game attempt to unlock the door with the key? Duh, that’s the obvious solution. It’s incumbent upon us testers to try the un-obvious solutions first— and see what responses we get; but, it must be annoying for authors (like your “anonymous” friend).

“Anonymous” was in big sarcasm quotes. :slight_smile: