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 Post subject: Any Script Doctors
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 11:44 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2016 10:27 pm
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Hello. I'm working on a script for my game. I've also got a map. I wanted to make a longer RPG if I could. Right now the writing is very juvenile and the game feels short. I'd like to show my skeleton form for now. I'll include some other stuff if it helps inspire anyone with ideas. It's missing some major emotion, major points, story connectors. Needs impressive story lines for individual characters. Ideas would be awesome.

Luaria And The 7th Seal: Game Intro

Wake up young hero. 1,000 years have passed since the plight of Banish World wreaked havoc. Long ago– in a time of distant memory– dark forces sought to join their world with Arelia. A hero, destined to end the looming destruction, was called forth from ancient prophecy. The unlikely hero entered into the crossroads, finding his way into Banish World. Using instruments of great power he was able to put an end to Banish and save Arelia. Since then evil has been sleeping; waiting. For a time Arelia has been able to live comfortably in the shadow of its memory. That time is over.

Map

Alrelia Map on ImgBB. Created with Inkarnate.
https://ibb.co/jpzt79

Plot - Skeleton Point

- The story starts in the small town of Holt. The hero must gather flowers for Adryx’s retirement. He finds them in a nearby forest, but while there he witnesses a couple of strangers in the forest. A male hunter, ‘Seth’ and female friend ‘Yeua’ gathering a strange dark stone. Hero goes home with the flowers. His mother— helping coordinate the event for Adryx— sends him to see his friend Sarah. She has invented a planar travel machine. The hero gets sucked into the planar world where he sees princess Luaria get kidnapped by Banish and taken into Banish World. An ancient prophecy awakens. An unknown amount of time passes before he returns. When they leave the house it’s coming on evening. They see Seth and Yeua walking down the street like zombies. They follow them into a friends house. A young boy is caught in dream sleep. There is a dark spirit in the room. The hunter takes out the stone. The dark spirit quickly enters it. Two more spirits leave the boy into the stone. Two of the malignant spirits enter Seth and Yeua. Seth’s spirit is known as Gahg, Yeua’s in known as Pandora. They push the hero aside and leave. The young boy, hardly able to escape his sleep is useless. They follow the two possessed strangers. Adryx’s event has already started. Dargh exits the stone, overtaking him. There is an exchange of words before Adryx leaves with Seth and Yeua. An arrow flies out of the blue, hitting the ground near the hero. Jasper— A wouldbe assassin— was hired to kill the hero. Instead he takes the day off, finding it better to take the two to his employer in Alm.

- Alm is a bustling city, where much of Arelia’s governing business takes place. Jasper leads them to his employer— a gem loving collector. The man known as ‘Igol’ holds many allegiances, including a book collector that knows about ancient legends. When Igol pinpointed the root of the problem, he dumfoundedly tried to eliminate the hero in ignorance. He apologizes and tells him about the temple in Guardwood where he can find one of the powerful stones. Being a lover of stones he has read about it in books of legends. His book collecting friend also helps him. He doesn’t know much about the Ostara— but that they seal off the forest with protective barriers.

- After Alm head north into Guardwood. Pass through a forest field section. On the road to Uyl a group of large Ostara warriors will carry a beautiful veiled Ostara woman. The royal caravan passes in silence. Help the Ostara with the Ghris to gain access to the temple in the northern part of the forest. The princess of Ostara— about to be married— isn’t allowed to speak. Breaking the ritual oath comes with severe penalty. Zarall was raised by Krujer, having been snatched from the forest through lies and deceit. Krujer wanted to understand the Ostara’s telepathic qualities. Dismayed, he found the illusive connection between the Ostara and their forest could not be harnessed. She saw Surat being infused with power from a dark source. She also met a vessel of immense power; a girl that wanted to go home. She is needed to open the 7th seal to Banish World. Zarall can’t share these secrets for threat of death.

- The Guardwood temple holds serects about the Ostara, and the power of the stones. Each of the stones is deeply connected to mana. A creature known as a dryad enters the stone for a divine purpose. The impenetrable will of these creatures helps keep mana power from falling into the wrong hands. The forest dryad offers the hero a pendant, which opens him to magic. Anyone travelling with them will be able to access the power so long as fate smiles on them.

- Upon exiting the temple with the stone the player will be confronted with Seth- the possessed hunter goon. Gagh is easily defeated, and takes off. After returning to announce success the king of Ostara big the party farewell. Zarall betrays her marriage oath, and joins the party. Forced marriage doesn’t suit her at this time. She must help their new friends she says. She is expelled from Guardwood under threat of death and told never to return. Zarall has to explain to the part that’s just the way her people are. She will never be able to return.

- The party takes the gem to the collector in Alm. He is ecstatic. The legend is true he exclaims! He is excited for the party. The only problem is, he doesn’t have a clue where the rest of the gems can be found. Igol suggests entering into continent by traveling east through the plains into Tardide Desert.

- Meet Surat for the first time in Tardide Desert, where he is searching for the gems. Surat is having a conversation with Adryx about their search. The party lays low while eavesdropping on the unusual meeting. Pandora and Gagh show up. After an exchange of words they leave. Once it’s over the party can continue on their journey. Zarall doesn’t open up about knowing Surat yet. She is too withdrawn from the events to talk about them.

- Right now Tardide soldiers are on high alert because of rumors of war. The eastern and northern passages are blocked. If they travel northeast to Bunga they will come across the nomad village. They live a peaceful life near a small oasis. Bokann needs help. Enlu is being kept alive on a machine that needs parts. He offers to aid the party if they help salvage the wastes for the piece he needs. As they travel they learn a little bit about Tardide and the Bungans. Bokann finds the part he’s looking for as they rummage the wastes. At the same time the party finds a computer chip of some kind. A large sand snake interrupts them. Battle the mini-boss. Tardide Soldiers— routinely surveying the area are alarmed by the strangers and their rooting around. After a short interrogation they are thrown into the desert prison under accusation of being a spy.

- Take care of a problem for a prisoner and he will let them join his escape plan. During the plan it seems like a set up, he causes problems and blames it on the party. But while they’re on their way to solitude he hatches his true plan. After a proclamation of his honesty, they split up through opposite ventilation shafts. Come across an overlook where important figures stand below. Ra’Irk— Tardide prison supervisor— is working with the south to bring about conquest for shared power over the world. He sends the command to let a ship into Grenport. While there the guard holds up the chip they found in the desert. He asks what it is, but Ra’Irk isn’t sure. Escape the prison. Share information about the temple with Bokann. He can take them right there. He’s happy about finding the part, and apologizes. Flips a switch near a stone and a passage opens up. This passage will put the player well on their way to Tardide City. The temple lies just beyond.

- One would think getting into the temple would be easy at this point, but it’s fully blocked by Tardide Soldiers. A trip will have to be made into the city. The only way to gain access is via special privilege. The king has a special request, but isn’t easily accessed. The castle— certainly not open to visitors— will be a formidable obstacle. Explore the city where we meet an extravagant costume maker working in the local theatre. He needs help putting a costume together. Find all the parts. When two of the actors are late the costume maker offers them access to his team entering the castle if only they fill the shoes in a play that’s about to take place. Sarah’s bubble is busted after the task when she finds out they won’t be entering the castle as world class actors, but rather toilet cleaners. When the king is met he says a message must be taken to Alm: the girl has run off again.

- Jasper’s employer is in the castle having a conversation with someone. It’s the book lover we were told about earlier. He has an old scroll with him. The character hears about a legendary sword key, but doesn’t learn much. A hooded figure enters a window swiftly, and makes off with the scroll. Igol is distraught. He commissions Jasper to find the scroll for a handsome sum. When the message is delivered to Alm we meet a group of soldiers in the castle. They’re having trouble on the eastern continent. The feyres are causing a ruckus. The king sends more troops, cursing the time they decide to cause trouble in the realm. When the king learns about the girl he is troubled. She is a special one, that girl. He says. He sends the troops to help with the fayres and tells his lead soldier to send a small group to Tardide to help look for the girl. The king tells the party to take the news back to Tardide.

- Happy with your work, the king of Tardide offers access to the temple as a reward. Find the stone of the temple. The dryad of fire is hiding a secret. He reveals a passage into a secret courtyard. The missing girl— Aura— is actually hiding in the sanctuary. She is a pretty girl dressed in white. Her healing powers are revealed when with the hero. She places her hands around a wilted flower and restores its beauty. Ghag crashes the party again. The girl knows a way out. They escape into the mountains through a side passage.

- Travel through the pass farther east, to Fairway. Meet Service-9, a repair bot that needs repairs. He can’t be power up without a special battery. He knows information about Krujer’s lab if he can ever be recommissioned. A fair is staying in Fairfay. The players can enjoy an arena, strength test, wisdom test, and some gambling. They decide at some point to stay at the inn before heading to Grenport. They talk, and Zarall finally opens up about knowing Surat. She mentions being a part of horrible experiments carried out by Krujer. The healing girl hugs Zarall. The hero is surprised they know each other. “That was you?” the girl asks. “You were the one that used to comfort me in there.”

- If they try to go north, the bridge is blocked off, guarded by soldiers. The southern bridge is in need of repair.

- By time they get to Grenport it’s nighttime. A ship is settled in the dock, closed up tight, with no access. They decide to stay at the inn. A bit more conversation takes place between the party. Zarall and the Aura open up about knowing each other a bit more. The party gets some rest. At some point in sleep they hear someone slip in and out of the room. The hero has a dream about Banish, it’s scary. They awake to screaming. The bays of the ships have opened in the early morning, releasing soldiers into the Grenwood. (This is the ship commissioned by Ra’Irk of Tardide prison.)

- The party is now trapped on the boat. They manage to escape their cell. Surat is there, drinking coffee. He can be seen through a window, but doesn’t pay attention. Somehow they make it to the deck. A strange boat comes and a man offers aid, to protect the girl. “Don’t worry, we have a safe place for her.” He assures them. Despite being strangers the party entrusts the girl to them. “In the eastern continent!” He yells, before speeding off. (Southern ships should be in the mix, creating tension. They fire at one another. The ragtag team of rebels land enough good shots to escape. (These people are Seal Watchers. They could hardly find the girl because her signal was so low. She needs to be activated.) After this short escape the player is knocked out and put in the prison again.

- The player wakes up in a holding cell in guard tower on the southern continent. A soldier checks on them before getting on a ham radio. “The prisoner woke up, boss.” Guards export the prisoners to the lab where Krujer gives them a long lecture and story. The Ostara princess is a part of the conversation. Sarah notices the chip, and wonders what it’s doing there. She grabs it. A chance offered— they make for the air ducts, dropping into the decommissioned robotics lab. Once the battery is collected they head through another air duct, exiting out the side of the complex.

- The port at Gorth has a ship that can be stolen for travel. This will be a player vehicle for traveling the seas. Sarah says she can make something cool with her machine if they can make it aback to her house with the chip.

- If the player’s go back to Sarah’s she will take an old hand radio and configure parts of her machine into it, using the chip as a main signal source. Now the players can enter into the planar world on low level frequency. Allowing them to travel to any lit green crystal they like. Crystals are located throughout the world, and activated when the party touches them.

- When the players get to the eastern continent they can meet up with the Watchers. They’ve sent Aura to Farmwood, a small wooded farmstead to the southeast. They tell them not to worry and to head towards the underwater temple to get the third stone. If the heroes try going south to the bridge Alm soldiers have some repair supplies sitting around. If they try going north the pass to the bridge will be blocked by soldiers. They say the place is on alert because of Fayre activity.

- The players will have gone to Fairway with the battery to boot up Service-9. Service-9 makes his funny intro, but he is also carrying an important message. The small bot has all the tools needed to open a large bay door to the underwater temple. The small bot can access the service shaft no problem. First, they need a sub from Gorth.

- Service-9 helps them enter a submarine base, where they steal a sub.

- When they head for the temple. A craggy underwater way creates a tight space to maneuver through. They narrowly escape rocket fire from Tardide subs. Service-9 enters a small shaft after being sent out. Making use of his tool arm he opens up a large access door for the sub. Water is released and the chamber is decompressed. The party can now explore for the water mana stone.

- They travel back to the port, leave the banged up sub, and leave with their ship. Their destination is back to Southport to talk to The Watchers. The Watchers inform the party that Aura is kept safe in Farmwood to the south, and not to worry. When the player gets to Farmwood the girl is protected by a blue haired boy with a stick, and stub where his tail used to be. They see the girl petting a rabbit. The boy clunks the player on the head. Eventually they are all introduced. The blue haired boy is from the far north.

- There is an event north of Southport, on a bridge over the river. Soldiers from Alm are contending with the fayres. A shadowed figure of slender stature swoops in and saves the day. It’s the unknown knight that stole Jasper’s employer’s scroll. In a flash the hooded stranger wields his sword, taking out many of the fayres to help the party. The hooded stranger disperses into the forest to the east. Jasper demands they head in for their employer’s scroll.

- Following the figure through the forest will lead them to the giant log where he lives. First the scroll is lost in a puddle. The information gone forever. When the identity of the figure is revealed the party meets fox— a knight hoping to become the best in the realm. When asked about his people, he says he no longer has a people. This is why he wants to wield the sword, and right wrongs in the past. The scroll was a means to learn more about the legend.

- The blue haired boy knows someone that can help. He mentions a lighthouse keeper northeast of Rukpass. The party decides to travel there. Zarall is reluctant. Says this all brings back bad memories. We will learn the blue haired boy was orphaned there when he left Ur’Kug.

- The light keeper in the northern part of the eastern continent is taking care of a man with glazed over eyes. Zarall is uneasy about going to the light; the party wonders why. Finally we learn Zarall knows the ill man well and where the sword is. She says, come on. They go inside. When the man is met Zarall starts telling her story. She was commissioned by Krujer to find Sword Key with this elite soldier. We have a flashback scene of them passing through the glades. He was damage by the Sword Key, and never returned to his former self. The Sword Key can only be obtained by the rightful wielder. The party heads northeast to Huj to make preparations for travel.

- Huj and Ur’Kug should have some kind of problems. Nothing mortal. Ur’Kug happens to be the native land of the blue haired boy with the tail. The Ur’Kug are hardy people, wearing lots of furs. Because of the tension between Huj and Ur’Kug, Huj will not send their sand ship into their port. The party will have to walk trough the dry parts of the desert.

- They will have to pass through Ur’Cave, which has been taken over by a giant serpent.

- The party can go into Ur’Kug and get a bit of side story on the blue haired boy, or head straight into the West Glades to Sword Key’s location. Traveling the West Glades to Temple of El’Aeon will show a locked temple. A stone with sword slot sits in the front. When they get to East Glades where the sword used to be, it’s gone. Pandora enters the scene. Finally, I can get all three stones. She says. Dargh will be very happy. Pandora is beaten and leaves.

- They have no clue where the sword is. If they travel south they will see Alm soldiers have finished repairing the bride to the southern continent. When they step on the bridge Fox mentions they will be traveling into the land of the Fayres. He is even more invigorated to wield the power of Sword Key.

- The Fayres are opportunists. They seek conquest where they can, stealing supplies, forging weapons. When the party gets to claw point they are able to approach Sword Key. The fayres wheel in wooden carts. They have a large catapult with them. As if preparing for war. The king of Fayres is there. Fox can settle his vendetta. He wants to pull the sword and use it. After approaching the sword he pauses, deciding the hero should be the one. When the sword is pulled the hero is holding it over head, as if expecting something magical to happen. The fayres yell, “There it is.” A large screech. A rock is flung from the catapult, smashing into a small incoming dragon. Enraged it spews fire that consumes the fayres. When it lands the party must fight the dragon boss.

- Surat and the possessed goons are working together under the premise Surat will aid Banish. Surat is really using the goons as extra help. This is revealed when the party leaves Temple of El'Aeon with Aura fully empowered by the Avatar of Mana. Surat and the goons arrive in a helicopter belonging to Krujer. Aura is snatched. Gagh laughs and says finally, we can bring banish into the world. Surat betrayed the goons proclaiming the power as his own. Finally he can get what he was looking for. He will destroy the world from the core. He leaves in the helicopter alone. The heroes fight the goons and finally beat all three.

- Jasper says they should go back to Alm. He tells the party Igol or his friend will know what to do. They know where a lot of Arelia’s lore. When they get back Igol questions about the scroll. Infuriated that it’s destroyed, he must calm himself. When he sees fox he questions about his race, having heard there was only a few left in the world. He wonders if he has seen him before. There’s no time. He tells them about the Sert Mine, where the metal for Sword Key was found near the core of Arelia.

- Head off to the Sert mine and conquer Surat. He uses his power to transform into a second form. We learn some of Krujer’s darkest secrets had been performed in the mine.

- When the party leaves Sert Mine Aura will be kidnapped by Ra'Irk and Igol for Krujer's use in Master Weapon. Jasper's betrayal here is revealed. When he had left the inn at Grenport one of Krujer’s soldiers implanted him with a tracking chip. The party will be forced with collecting Aura from the complex. They get there through Siege, by way of a service tunnel. When they arrive they pass through a tunnel in the complex. Service-9 opens a passage for them. He seems to break down, after whirring, he zips into a small tunnel. When the party gets to the launch pad red lights are flashing. Something is about to launch. They run up the launch gear but get there too late. The top doors open, releasing a massive zeppelin, with a mega gun on the bottom. When hope seems lost Service-9 floats up in a smaller balloon. The party uses a rope to climb up into it. Enter the zeppelin. Save Aura from a chamber near the reactor. Before the zeppelin explodes the mega gun is jettisoned into the sea. Krujer releases a dragon from the bays below. The dragon will be fought from the side of the ship as its core reactor melts down without Aura. the party jumps onto the support balloon after defeating the dragon. The world starts turning black. They must hurry to Temple of The Seal.

- Enter into the crossroads. There is a seal over the portal to Celestial Realm. Luaria will speak through the air, saying a seal has been placed there, but it will only protect Celestial Realm for a short time. There is one other portal. Banish World starts at the base of Banish Castle. Travel through and beat Banish. Luaria is thankful and returns home to Celestial Castle. Arelia is saved.

Main Ideas

Classic RPG background. Darkness is trying to enter the world. An important astral princess named Luaria has been kidnapped by Banish. Banish sends some dark goons into the world to help gather the power needed to open a portal between his world and theirs. Other groups are interested in the power for their own purposes. The southern continent would like to harness the power to fuel their wars. Surat, a creation from one of their labs would like to use the power to destroy the entire planet by overloading the core. The heroes of course would like to just stop it all and go home again.

Characters

Surat: A creation of Krujer. He's an experiment that may or may not appear to be working with Kruger in the beginning of the game.

Sarah: An inventor.

Jasper: A woodby assassin. Possibly a betrayer, as his employer is helping goad the stones into the hands of Ra'Irk or Tardide under promise of governance after the war.

Serive-9: A repair bot from Krujer's lab.

Krujer: A scientist, robotics engineer, and somewhat evil genius.

Luaria: A princess of the planar world, where her dimension lives with theirs.

Zarall:Princess of the Ostara, a former slave of Krujer.

Aura: A special girl, clothing in white.

Ra'Irk: Prison supervisor in Tardide. Also working for the south to help bring about the war.

Ideas

Twist: Surat is not trying to help bring about the war, by helping his masters. He’s disgusted with what he went through, and what he was created to be. So instead of using the stones to their advantage he is going to use the power to destroy the core of Arelia.

Twist: We find out our assassin friend Jasper has betrayed us. He meant to miss with the arrow in the beginning to lure the hero into his trap. Hid employer is promised to rule Alm, on the chief panel.


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