intfiction.org

The Interactive Fiction Community Forum
It is currently Fri Nov 16, 2018 9:53 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 8 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2016 11:21 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2016 9:36 pm
Posts: 29
PLAY minor fall MAJOR LIFT beta
(Be aware: this game is inappropriate for minors. It is not AIF, but there is sexual content.)

So! I'm working on this thing. It was supposed to be a piece for IFComp2016 but that didn't happen. I had an awful August and September and just couldn't make it in time. So I'm finishing it off on my own and posting it here.

... and while I'm working on it, I decided to put up the unfinished bits of it up online, because this is my first IF piece and I don't really have any idea what I'm doing. I want feedback. From all kinds of places! So here it is.

minor fall MAJOR LIFT is a choice-based game written in ink. It's about a chance meeting and, later on, a meddlesome Angel of Death. The bits up right now don't feature the Angel of Death just yet, however.

Here's the link to play it, again!

Please take a look and leave feedback! I'm looking for ... well, pretty much any kind of crit you've got. I'm especially interested in hearing how the characters came across and what kind of people they appear to be, based on the story. This is a pretty strongly character-based piece.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2016 3:20 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 1:42 am
Posts: 108
Location: The Planet of Ocherous
I enjoyed it. I don't feel I've quite gotten a handle on the characters yet, but it's off to a good start. I'd definitely like to see more of this world, especially having it described how it looks visually. I don't have any experience picking up boys at a gay bar, so I can't speak from experience, but it feels suitably awkward and stumbling.

_________________
"He never really loved her. Or her money. He wanted her secrets."


Top
 Profile Send private message  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2016 12:18 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2016 9:36 pm
Posts: 29
Thank you for playing and for the feedback!

In terms of the world and how it looks: yeah, I'll admit establishing setting is one of my weaknesses and I've set up this piece in a way that makes casual digression to environment pretty hard, at least for external environments and things. It's something to keep in mind for later games, I suppose.

In my own estimation, the gay bar scene in particular needs to be rewritten ... quite a bit. There's a bunch I'm unhappy with there. But if I start major edits now, I'll never get done with the game, so welp, guess I'm saving that for later.

I'm aiming to have another scene or two added today or tomorrow! I'll post here when that's up and ready.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Tue Oct 25, 2016 6:01 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2016 9:36 pm
Posts: 29
This is just a bump to remind people this exist!


Top
 Profile Send private message  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2016 10:53 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2016 9:36 pm
Posts: 29
Tentatively bumping this, because I'm reworking it right now and I'd like more feedback on the old version?


Top
 Profile Send private message  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2016 1:05 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2011 8:11 am
Posts: 2747
Location: US - Central
On first glance, I'm not fond of the choice-block font. The combo of yellow-on-red, plus mixed cursive and roman serif font is confusing my eyes a bit. Changing one of them (color scheme or font choice) might improve it.

I do like how they fit together like bricks instead of in a plain vertical list.

_________________
http://hanonondricek.wixsite.com/pyramidif
https://pyramidif.itch.io/


Top
 Profile Send private message  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:40 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 15, 2010 8:52 am
Posts: 1400
I enjoyed the characters and the semi-familiar, semi-alien setting (still not sure if this was fantasy or science fiction), but I got confused - it seemed like I was on a date with Anya (after a steamy time the prior night), but then it seemed like my friend Mogila was playing wingwoman and trying to help me pick someone else up, and I couldn't figure out why I had a friend along on a date. This might have been my own confusion, rather than confusion spurred by the game, but I couldn't scroll back to sort it out. I set it down at that point.

_________________
Carolyn VanEseltine


Top
 Profile Send private message  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2016 12:48 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2016 9:36 pm
Posts: 29
Oh! After the date with Anzu, there's a flashback to the previous night, when you met Anzu, and that gives more context for your meeting and the date. I'll make it clearer in the new version that it's a change of location.

Also the setting is ... both/neither sci-fi and fantasy. I think the term is science fantasy? It's like, 20th/21st century technology and magic existing together.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 8 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group