Spring Thing 2024 Blurb Help Thread

Oops. Noted.

Hehehe.

-Wade

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Actually, I think what I’m really missing is something that suggests what kind of story this is. It could be a murder mystery, a relationship drama, a fun romp of a coming-of-age adventure story, a… I don’t know, maybe the reader is a journalist, the doctor is some under-appreciated historical figure, the stranger is one of the doctor’s descendants who wants to fund you investigating and publishing to give this person the recognition they deserve. And I might be more interested in some of those stories and less interested in others… but from this blurb I just have no idea.

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As mentioned earlier, the genre is missing. What happens next? It’s too brief and doesn’t give the reader what to expect in the story.

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This was the blurb I sent when I submitted my intent :joy:
I have a slightly better one… in French.

EDIT:

The life of Doctor Jeangille turned upside down, forced to settle in the small and quiet village of Meaux. In the epistolary exchanges with Olympia, the lover, this recluse person come to life, and get entangled in quite the mysterious events…

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I’ll throw mine into the hat as well now that it’s nearing completion! Would be very happy to hear feedback.

You are a corporate drone tasked with purging poetry from CORPOTECH’s Database of Subsumed Cultures. But when a mysterious interloper hacks into your console, you’re faced with an escalating series of requests which put you in direct opposition to your corporate overlords and on a collision course with the sublime.

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It is a direct sequel (it takes place a few weeks after the ending of The Bones of Rosalinda). This is actually a good point, I think I should add a line somewhere below the blurb which states that.

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@manonamora

I see you’re struggling to find an English blurb.

Instead of describing the novella/game from the standpoint of you, the author, why not write your blurb from within the viewpoint of one of the side characters? Le Docteur's mother seems like a good choice, she could be writing to an acquaintance or a niece :


Le 19 inside joke,

My dear Niece,

“…exhausted after such a sordid day’s work, “le Docteur” still seems to find time to scribble exhaustively…”

→ Not in any way meant to be included in your final work, merely suggesting a direction or viewpoint for the blurb.


@agat

So very curious and excited. I can’t wait to meet Rosalinda again!

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Thanks everyone for the feedback! I’m not sure if there was a reason I was trying to fit it into one sentence, but breaking it up will definitely make the grammar easier.

Before:

As a fledgeling vampire, you’ve been tasked with investigating a murder and cleaning up any loose ends—only to discover that you might be one yourself.

After:

As a fledgling vampire, you’ve been ordered by your elders to investigate a murder and clean up any loose ends. A simple enough task—until you discover that you might be a loose end yourself.

I do have somewhat of an addiction to em-dashes, but I think it conveys the right amount of pause here between the two clauses.

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I think a revised version of this could work! Something like…

Forced to leave [where they were living before] and settle in the quiet village of Meaux, Doctor Jeangille chronicles their life in letters to their lover—including the arrival of a mysterious stranger, who [does/causes something that impacts the doctor].

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